8.31.99

The gym was closed most of last week for annual cleaning. Happily, a week away from there doing different things with my Mon Wed Fri. I can't stop lifting now even though I get bored with it. I sometimes allow the thought that I'll just lift twice a week instead of thrice, but it would be too painful at the beginning of every new week. The body starts to decline so quickly in just a few days without it. I went back yesterday after only one week away and today I am sore. I hardly ever increase the weight I lift, though I will force a change in routine every few months just for breadth. My enthusiasm is dwindling but I can't give up the strength I have now, so I really must resign to go three times a week. This week back to it, back to late nights. Few people there that late. Last night, again, I was the last to go. I don't sleep well those three nights of four. The muscles shudder deep into middle night, alerting me to dreams. I guess I'd rather have that than not. I like going in the hours before the gym closes because I always know that I must leave by ten. It's late, but it's somehow a relief knowing when the night will end. When I exercised in the mornings, the whole day stretched ahead and it was strangely daunting to wear out the body before the day had begun. Better to finish off just before bed. Tonight I'm wishing for a bike ride. I'm plotting a morning ride, maybe for Friday. Nothing scheduled for that morning yet. I heard this morning on the radio that the weekend weather will be warm. White and blue is what I'm thinking, white and blue and yellowy hot. And the ferry, the little one that goes so fast but not so fast since those litigious fools on the point forced it to slow. But still, it's faster than the rest, sleeker too. I will pack my journal, the radio. I haven't done that this summer - what summer? I think I've only worn shorts one or two days. Already Labor Day, already the nights are cooler and longer. Why does my heart ache for dreams and long ferry rides and legs rolling over and over? Incendiary passion, ceaseless - addiction.

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