2.3.98

I really haven’t felt like going to Ewha today. I’ve been sitting here in my pj’s (showered but not dressed) dreading it. (Someone is ringing the doorbell, but I’m not dressed so I’m ignoring them - now they’re pounding on the door. Eek.) Well, after the initial shock of having to get outta bed and showered, I’m feeling OK with going to Ewha. I always feel a little stressed about going there. I-do-not-know-the-fuck-why. I’ve been going there for a long time. I swear, I feel stress about everything except sleeping and eating and sitting at my computer. Lame-ass. Anyway, I worry about things like having to decline lunch. Stupid? Yes. The office staff like to eat at the school cafeteria where the food is gross. Honestly, I don’t know why people put up with gross food. It doesn’t really cost any less than going off campus and eating at one of the gazillion little restaurants. The cafeteria is closer, but distance is not enough to make the food there more appealing. I’ve been having seriously bad experiences with Korean food lately anyway. Except for soojaebee, I’m steering clear for awhile. Saw on a restaurant menu the other day an advertisement for "IMF tang", which means IMF soup. This is just about the STOOOPIDEST thing. I despise the way citizens of this country rally behind their government’s austerity campaign. Lemmings. For decades they listened to their dictators tell them that the national economic gain was more important than human rights and the people chose to suffer, believing in their leader’s words. Wasn’t until the 80’s that they began to seriously fight for worker’s rights. Took them 25 years to figureout that their leaders were blowin’ smoke out their asses. And the people are just like dwelling and dwelling on the IMF, as if the IMF were the cause of ALL their problems and their country was an INNOCENT victim in all of this. Nevermind that all the big companies cooked the books to get more loans than they could pay. The West and Japan are at fault for not doing their research, but for Koreans to play victim is getting real fucking old. I’m not saying they can’t be critical of the IMF, its existence and its policies, but quit the fucking whining. Don't I do a good Steve Buscemi impersonation? SO! All over the place are signs saying IMF. I can’t understand anything else on the signs, but I recognize IMF. It’s even on TV commercials. Companies are using it to sell their stuff. "Special IMF prices!!" Special IMF soup. Soup!! That’s so fucking ridiculous! Could you imagine in the US during the Savings & Loan scandal seeing restaurants advertise special S&L soup to help us get through? Wouldn’t happen. People would laugh! Time to go. [much, much, oh-so-much, later] Well, out and about spotting IMF signs all over the place, I had a little time to reflect on what I wrote this morning. I decided I still agree with myself. Hahaha! Really. And I want to add that I thought about the Great Depression in the US and how people supposedly mobilized a sense of nationalism to get passed that. You know, "depression glass" is a hot item at antique malls these days. I’m sure they also had "depression soups" or other similar things. But the thing that makes the IMF phenomenon different from the Great Depression is a matter of semantics. The IMF is an international organization that the Korean gov’t requested economic aid from *after* the economic crisis hit. IMF is not responsible for the current depression; in fact, the IMF is helping this country stay afloat. Yet, whenever Koreans refer to the depression, they refer to it as IMF. Thus, semantically, IMF is happening to them, not that a depression is happening to them. The usage externalizes any responsibility for the economic crisis. It makes the depression seem like something imposed upon them by the IMF. This is the part that irks me, see. Every where you turn the IMF is being blamed and Koreans, through blaming, thereby exonerate themselves from any roll in the current crisis. Nada. Zilch. This culture is the ultimate in denying responsibility - except for the good things, of course. It’s as if some nefarious spirit was lurking and disapproved of my ranting about the collective Korean psychology this morning. In retribution, the spirit surrounded me with an aura that zapped children’s brains, cajoling them to torment me. I got on the train and was the sole loser at musical chairs. I was the only one left standing in the whole car except for this little kid of 4 or 5 who stood nearby and stared at me for awhile. I turned away and fell into the music pumping through the wire into my brain. Next thing I know, I feel a little body pressed up against my leg and arms hugging my thigh. Ahhh! I look down and see the little boy clamped on. I freaked and tried to pry him off. The prying worked and he went away. Still shaken, I fell back into zombie-mode. About 30 seconds later he tries it again. This time he came in from the front and I was able to intercept him before full clamp. The music is blaring in my ears. I have his little hands in my hands; he is pushing hard against my hands. Craning his face upward, he starts yelling, "Oni! Oni!" Older sister, he’s saying. I guess I shoulda just been thankful that he was calling me that instead of ajuma, which is aunt or married woman. I should have showered him with affection for being so flattering. But I was just freaking out, trying to figure out through my music haze what the hell was going on. He’s pushing against me, I’m pushing back, trying hard not to look like I’m gonna hurt him and wondering where the hell his mother is and what I’m gonna do next. The music in my ears was really distracting me but I was using both hands to keep the runt at bay and couldn’t reach neither the volume nor yank the headphones from my ears. He starts asking me questions I don’t understand. I see he has a discolored front tooth; I think it’s rotten. Eons seemed to have passed, but finally (finally!) I hear a woman’s voice in the distance yell, "Eedeewha!" Come here. The terror is gone. The spirit knew I am terrified of children. I got a seat at the next stop. A couple of stops later a woman and two kids get on. Her little boy sits next to me and commences staring; the girl stands in front of me and does the same. The girl starts smiling and then giggling to her mom. That’s cool. Normal zoo-type thing happening. But then she starts moving closer and closer to me, walking over just to my right - I’m on the end seat. She inches in real close to my head just looking, just being close. I pretend to be sleeping. (I should’ve said, "Boo!" or something.) Eventually she returns to her mom. Then, and finally, a few stops later a little chubby boy gets on with his Mom - Where are all these kids coming from? Don’t they have school? - He spots me, extends his arm with pointed finger, and screams "Miguksaram!!" American person. Good grief. Ok, so the last two events were pretty typical, but they usually don’t happen in the same day. That first event with tree-hugger boy was way too Twilight Zoney for me and that kind of thing never happens. I guess I have to amend that to "seldom happens." But all three in one day? Come on! I’m having too many chance coincidences these days. If I’m supposed to be getting some kind of sign (please not an IMF one), listen - whoever you are - you gotta be more direct! Putting hairs in my bibimbap and terrorizing me with little kids, what are you trying to tell me?

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