12.19.97
Outgoing Kim was replaced by an new, older Kim. I was reading on CNN that the new Kim, Kim Daejung, has fought hard all of his life for this country. Tortured, even sentenced to death at one point, for his opposition to the military regimes that used to run this place. Seems like some kind of due reward that he would get elected at age 73 on his last attempt to be leader. Great story, actually. Someone should make a movie, or write a book, in English. On the other hand, he’s way old, been in politics SO long, and people generally believe he’s pretty corrupt and has been doing anything he could to get elected for literally years. Not to mention, he’s of the old dictator-type school. Goes to show the muddy complexity of individuals; how it is difficult to condemn or praise one entirely.

Something like 80% of the population turned out to vote. This made me feel good, you know? I feel fortunate to experience the election process in a country where suffrage is a new concept. I read in the newspaper about North Korean defectors voting for the first time. One guy said he felt really good to be able to choose "No" on the ballot. I guess they vote in the North, but there is only one candidate and the only choice is "Yes." So, I felt really positive today about the potential of a new leader, and the choice of millions. Such a great thing, leaders chosen by the people.

And, I thought about the numbers of people who don’t vote in the States. All those who say they aren’t going to vote because there isn’t a candidate they believe in and other crap like that. Shit. Sometimes I’m so disappointed in my fellow citizens. Such a luxury to choose a leader and people have become so apathetic about it. I am often no different, despising both dominant parties and their candidates, but I just can’t ignore the responsibility that comes with the privilege.

Then there are those who think that voting is as far as their responsibility extends. "Hey - I don’t need to care about the people in my community; I voted for someone who’s gonna take care of that so I don’t have to." I’m angry at many American’s lack of civic responsibility. Everything is, like, ME, ME, ME and it’s NOT MY FAULT. I dislike that kind of fracturing and that apathy for others. How can one not realize that tragedies witnessed could be their own? Well, I know how. People tell me plainly that "if they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, they wouldn’t be in that mess." Yeah, yeah, just buy into that capitalist brainwashing. Gotta…keep…producing….

Watched this great movie the other night. House of Spirits. Really long epic thing that made me cry and cry. Can't explain the story, it is too long; but it made me feel human and aware of the internal struggle against hate as well as of the larger human connectedness and of the world's ongoing struggle to come to terms with modernity. I wanted to write a lot about it, the words that hit me hard and the images burned into my mind. Time is passing, though, and the impact is waning. I think I'll look and see if the movie was based on a novel.

Temp was in the middle 50’s today. Comfortable Fall weather in December. I wandered out for some sort of X-mas shopping frenzy and felt bad when I’d spent enough and needed to come home. I felt so good about the day, about the place, the people all around me, about finding and buying what I wanted. Myong-dong was first. Strange to return to the area that was my first exposure to this country. Being there conjures up some of those long gone feelings of confusion and illness I felt after I first arrived. Such a dark and horrible time for me. Yet know I can walk upon the same concrete I walked on so long ago and now I can claim this city as mine. I can’t believe how I evolved and survived. Incredible. I know Myong-dong well. It was the only place I inhabited my first month here and I can negotiate the narrow streets still, despite ever-changing store fronts.

Dave hasn’t been feeling well; times are tough for him at work. I find myself not wanting to know about his struggles because I feel protective and notice myself becoming angry and wanting to fight for him. But I can’t; I have my own demons to ward off and I, like most others in history, can’t win a two-front war. So he is left on his own, yet I see him, from the corner of my eye, weakening in the face of such relentless adversity. And I feel the anger.

Dave’s home just now. With him is a little plastic X-mas tree, already decorated - the ornaments are glued on. He is so thoughtful. I feel happy to have this symbol of Christmas in our house this year.
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