Another late night this is turning out to be. I've no particular reason to get up early in the absence of school or a full-time job, so I let myself slip into my natural waking/sleeping rhythm. I've always been a night person. Shun the mornings, even as I enjoy them immensely when I experience the residual chill and dew laden environs. But I like midnight too, black air and light only as I choose it. I seem also to relish the isolation: the feeling that I'm the only one awake and that I can reach out to those I long for more clearly when other people's thoughts are sequestered in the dream state.

This morning was an example of what's becoming typical: I woke at 9, ate breakfast, checked email, read a few things on the internet. In a momentary frenzy I made a bunch of phone calls, resulting in a delightful feeling of accomplishment. Then I left for the gym, arriving at exactly the time I'm actually supposed to be leaving there. According to my membership agreement, I can only workout between 8am and 11am, and between 1pm and 4pm. I was there from 11am until about 1:30. I've seen the staff admonish someone for coming in at an inappropriate time, but they've never said anything to me. Is it because I'm favored by the fitness director? I wonder. Well, at any rate, I'm not complaining.

I had a good workout. It's been a week since I was last there and I felt a little tired at first. But by the end my body felt cleansed, and it is this cleansed feeling that I've decided is the part of fitness that is addictive. I walk with a lightness, like I'm floating. The excess energy and stress is exhausted and I'm better able to focus. I actually like scheduling events that require my fullest attention immediately after exercising, just so I can tap into that ability to focus.

So right after working out I met with a psychologist who is not only a co-worker of mine, but also a professional career counselor. We were tucked away in the tiny Ballard Starbuck's chit-chating about my job hunt, work, and miscellany. She had some very helpful advice for me and I left our meeting feeling energized and hopeful that I'll get exactly what I want. It will just take time.

I spent an inordinate amount of time at the grocery store this evening. There weren't even that many items on my list, but I was too wishy-washy to decide upon the kind of cheese I should buy, whether or not to get frozen yogurt, etc. Meanwhile, my little basket was becoming more and more heavy, cutting into my arm. I chastised myself once again for not just getting a cart. (A cart for one person always seems gluttonous.) While in Korea, I developed this little rule that I will not carry more inside the store than I could possibly carry outside of it. I had to carry my groceries on the subway in Seoul, and it would've been a grave error to fill up a cart only to find that I couldn't carry all of it home. Therefore, I only buy what I can carry, even now when I have a car in which to transport it.

Tonight I promised myself I'd be in bed by midnight. I can almost make it if I quit now....