If it's going to rain for 80+ days, let it be like this: Let it be black with cloud and the wind cry in agony around the sharp corners of houses. Let us hear the taffeta of our matron evergreens swishing in the fury, and the bony limbs of trees clawing to get in through the windows.

I studied this morning some, making progress on this latest assignment. After class I sought the TA for enlightenment, but she wasn't much help. My grasp on the material is so tenuous that unless I'm immersed in the work, I can't remember what I don't understand. It is futile to ask questions without the statistical output on a screen before us, when I can point to what I did and she can see. As it is, I scribble notes on a scrap of paper and try to reconstruct the work I did. I don't have a printer, see: I have to go to Kinko's to print my assignments. It takes time and money, both of which I'm short on these days.

Nevertheless, I'm feeling a bit more relieved tonight than last. I felt validated when I learned that some other students feel as lost as I do. I'm also trying not to feel too anxious about my performance and cutting myself some slack for just being there. Several weeks ago I approached the professor and told him how starting off a week behind this quarter (because I was in Korea) had made comprehension a constant struggle; I was trying so hard just to get caught up that I wasn't really focusing on the content of what was to be learned. He replied that I shouldn't worry and that he appreciated the effort I was making, considering I'm not yet a student in the program. I try to remember that.