6.28.99

Year almost half over. I find it terrifying. Passing like days they are, and the days are like nothing; I slip from each one wondering how it was filled, how it seemed so empty. I had a birthday last week. Had some folks over for a tea party. A tea party! I love to think that's what it really was. How many people actually have a tea party? Something little girls do. An agonizing task inviting that small circle of friends. Small, I said, but not close. Many don't even know of each other, which is how I like to keep it. Bringing them all together in one room is risking revelation of all the faces I wear. I struggle to remain consistent, steady in myself, so that no one feels surprised by unfamiliar behavior. I hid in the tea and let the others do the talking. It went well. Other than that, I think I am only just beginning to regain my strength after last week's climb. The sun seared my face to a puffy (and now peely) red. It is uncomfortable and unsightly; strangers do not refrain from comment. I staggered out from the forest with a variety of bruises and a swollen ankle that kept me from sleeping deeply for a few nights. Getting better now. I even worked out today, though I could still feel the residual fatigue in my legs and arms.

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