7.22.99

Sun's oracular rays beaming wisdom but meaning through my skin. For me, summer is for learning most, when all connections thicken and tighten, and I feel like my life really is a weave of experience. In it I see patterns of larger and farther reaching connection that make sudden sense. I think I know everything. I am vessel for it too, a cornucopia of dimension, spilling out here or in the anxious energy that keeps me from stillness. The heat makes each cell jiggle with life, open itself a little. ++ I am remembering walking the streets in cities far from here with him at my side. From time to time, I like to open my palm to his flat belly, pressing the soft cotton of his shirt between our skin and feeling momentarily the rhythm of his walk. Lately he has been sending me letters and postcards. A few packages have come too, but those are things I requested. ++ And I've been listening to disco because it seems to lack meaning: When I hear it I don't feel anything but the beat. An entire society is groping for meaning and I can't stop manufacturing it.

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