8.15.99

Rain came. I am fortunate to sit in covered silence except for the sound of drops on leaves, on rooftop. Surprising it can be heard, as though there were no insulation or attic space between quieted mind and weather. Normally I would play a CD, use it to stir motivation, but today I only want the silence and the taps. Daylight is hushed and grainy with rain. Animated views through double-paned windows: trees yielding to the wind, passersby cowering in it. In the backyard, the bamboo is reaching toward the house and the foxgloves are wilted from bearing. I have been sitting and reading in the slow light, wrapped in an afghan on the couch. Eating Lindt balls and drinking from a can of Pepsi. I like to look out toward the street or the backyard between chapter breaks, listening to what I do not have to endure. +++ Then dusk and cabin fever. I went out in it and knew it was fall. (Felt like living at Julie's.) Drove to the bookstore with the heater on. Ordered up a large hot chocolate with whipped cream to hold while creeping among the shelves. Looking for a thin book to read, know the one I want: White Snake by Geling Yan. Want to read stories from China, written by a woman, written in Chinese. Want something that I will likely read quickly because I already have something larger in mind, but it will not arrive for a week or two and I will need something to hold me over until then. There was some apprehension of buying the book -- maybe I can't afford it right now, and maybe it's not worth the $10.95. I held it by my side in consideration while I walked around sipping from the paper cup. Found a thick book on Japanese tea ceremony that prompted me to sit into one of the easy chairs. A comprehensive and detailed book, complete with pictures. I think I need to own it, but tonight I can only jot down the information. Will have to buy it later or tell someone else that it would be a good gift for me. I bought the little book on the way out. Walked across the street to the grocery store to buy Pepsi in 12-pack box (29 cents per unit versus the 37 cents per unit for Coke), Lindt chocolate, olive oil, and a wedge of camembert. Forgot tortillas. In front of me in line at the cashier were two women working image really hard: hair dyed black, tattoos, piercings, and clothing all retro and necessarily from vintage or second-hand stores. They kept looking back at me, and I was already looking at them, so it was a little uncomfortable. The problem was that one of them had what looked like a tojang (chop) print tattooed on the back of her neck. It looked terrible, like the tag from her shirt was flipped to the outside (eternally). It was a black rectangle with fine lines of white skin left unfilled in the shapes of two Chinese characters. I was looking to see if I could read them, but couldn't. I wondered about such poor taste and stared trying to figure it out of her. Drove home in the rain thinking of novel ways to carve pumpkins.

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