It's not only spring but summer. Heat into the night. Bugs. High blue skies and fresh green leaves. I can't stand being too sick to ride or hike… or anything outdoors.

In truth, I've been wigging out since my return. Time in isolation, packing phlegm, slowing down. I feel anxious nearly all of the time and yet I can't bring myself to move, to motivation. I feel again like I did in July and August when so much of my future felt uncertain -- and most importantly, whether or not I wanted the future I had once chosen. I long only to be traveling: obligated to no one and to no place. Yet, I have this overwhelming need for company and stability. The conflict between the two desires keeps me paralyzed and I am trapped in my own indolence. So, I think if I could only ride or hike or just use up some of this anxious energy, I would feel better. I would temporarily distract myself in the active present, which is like therapy for me.

Ironically, I've managed to become engrossed in reading Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer. I'm housesitting for my boss and it was lying on his nightstand, bookmarked halfway through. I picked it up and read about that far before the morning was over. Short, easy read that doesn't require any intellectual involvement. The irony is that I can relate somewhat to the young man's restlessness and discomfort in society's machine. It's like reading what I'm experiencing, only more extreme and nearly psychotic. The freedom of traveling and the disconnection from obligation is part of the high. It is an unexpected, troubled descent from there to average, productive living.

Hair days by country:

By far, the water in our apartment in Seoul was the best for coiffing. Is it soft water that does it, or hard? I had the softest bounciest curls after showering at home there. Everyday a good hair day. In Beijing our hair filtered the air and by the end of a day my hair was thick with dirt. It was stiff as if gel had been added, which was thoroughly disgusting, except it did have this cohesive property that made it stay really well when I twisted it up behind my head with a clip. Lots of frizzies in Singapore (from all that humidity). Water in Rome and London was pretty poor for curly hair. Hair didn't really curl but just sort of waved limply. The kind of hair that feels uncomfortable on the head and provokes desire to cut it all off.