I'm waiting for my air shipment from Korea so I can play Civ II for a few days. Just a few.

Relaxing now. Feeling hollowed out of ambition, wishing I could travel on. I'm not excited to return to this life. I have little sense of future here. The one I've been mapping out for me is unappealing and the new routes, when I let myself see them, are frightening.

I don't want to see it right now.

So I'm waiting for the air shipment and catching up on sleep. I caught a bad cold somewhere in Asia that quickly capitalized on an exhausted traveler's depleted immune system, barging in and setting up shop. I'm merely a host to it now, feeding it, victim to its whims. Waiting for it to move on to someone else.

Waiting for the energy to return.

I returned Friday, but quickly dumped out the contents of my suitcase and filled it again with things I needed for Tom's wedding, then left immediately for Portland. Returned again yesterday, greeting the end of my travels and, finally, trying to acknowledge the end of my living in Korea. It's not my home anymore, but I have no sense of that yet.

But, I also seem to have only a vague sense that I lived there at all.

I'm just tired and sick.