Ahhh! This computer is so friggin’ slow! Even typing is a burden. It’s like the text just doesn’t show up on the screen fast enough; it screws up my cadence and I make all kinds of typos. I keep thinking, "Only one more month, baby. Just one more month and that new computer is mine." And Tom promises it will scream. Ooo, I can’t wait. Imagine clicking on something and there is no lag before a response is detected. What must that feel like?

Speaking of Tom:

The man came on-line my this morning and requested a chat. I was happily surprised as I’m always a taker for good time wasters. (A rhyme!) Then he says he has some big news and he wants me to guess. … Well?

Immediately - and this is totally true though I’ve told no one - I thought to guess that Tom is marrying Luana, his gf. But that’s not what I guessed because that’s the obvious one - that is, the obvious thing that people guess when they’re told to guess big news. It seemed too much of a real-life impossibility so I started guessing more plausible things. I can’t remember what they all were, but one of them was something about a lower price for my computer components. (I was really hoping for that one.) His no’s were getting that tired sound of people whose big news is having to wait too long while some numb-brain blurts their Christmas wishlist into the microphone. I listened to his tone and gave up.

Whoa! That IS big news! And guess what? (waiting) Give up? I get to be the Best Person. Woohoo! Do I have to rent a tux? That’s the big question now. What else do I do? Roast, er toast the couple at the reception? Some kind of speech? I should rent Three Weddings and Funeral and take notes. Haha. Hey, which reminds me that Tom said Luana popped the question to him - get this - in a graveyard. Isn’t that a great story? The grandkids will like it. (If there are grandkids.)

You know, here’s the deal: Tom’s been springing surprises on me left and right. I mean, first there was the computer that he bought for me, which totally had me lying flat on the floor with a bump forming on my cranium. I mean, what good fortune to have a friend like that! Two weeks later he’s on the horn telling me about impending nuptials. I only wish I had a Quickcam to capture my face at that crucial moment - I’d post it for you. A true Kodak moment. My friend Tom, getting married. All I can think is that the Tom I know is now going to be two. No more solitary Tom; it’s Tom plural from here on out. They’re both Catholic, you know. We talked about that a bit - the whole divorce andae thing. (Andae means "not possible" or "denied" in Korean). I told him us heathens marry with the speck of light shining back in the far reaches of our minds, providing comfort: Yes, there’s always divorce if necessary.

So there’s been news, news, and more news from home. I’m so excited to get my butt back there and live freely. I imagine myself out late at night, dancing till dawn, drinking like a fish. My own dionysian fantasy.