Hey - Something almost went by unnoticed.

Lately I’ve been on the receiving end of much generosity. There is Mrs. Chung of course, who is treating me like a daughter, sending me out the door each week with a backpack full of little gifts; her artist friends giving me the ramen bowl and Mr. Shin’s wife gave me two cups – free with purchase, I guess; Christine has been very generous in offering to let me use the pool in her building, which I haven’t been able to do yet; and then Anita, who has given me great feedback about my journal from the very beginning and who just yesterday sent me another fix.

Makes me feel good... to be alive.

This morning I woke up on the opposite side of what I want to be. I wore that persona and I ended up doing all kinds of maladjusted and hedonistic things, like eating both all of Dave’s leftover pizza and all of the leftover Mac&Cheese. Then I had two HEADS. Good grief. Oprah was on and I caught part of that too: Bill Moyer’s kid and his addiction. Woo. Wee. I was obsessive-compulsive about checking email more often than people were sending it. Around 5pm I’d had enough and went to sleep; I just had to end it and start over again. At six, I felt myself pulling out of slumber, wanting only to stay put. It is an odd experience to feel my body come alive: a visceral sensation of rising up from below deck, each neuron tingling a little and I imagine them stretching and yawning - with leaves sprouting, sunshine rising, and birds tweeting. And my mind, alert, saying, "No, no, no. I just want to go back into oblivion."