Things fall apart.

Mrs. Chung's today for tea. It went OK except that I stayed longer than I wanted and she insisted upon meeting me at the airport to give me the package she wants me to mail in the States for her daughter. I tried to get it from her because the last thing I want to do at the airport is look for her. She wouldn't relent, so I did. Now I totally, and completely, wish I hadn't because when I told Dave about it he was like, "She's gonna want to hang out with us until you leave. We won't be able to be alone." Oh fuck. That's not what I want. I need to be able to say goodbye to Dave the way I want to. Then - this is the worst - I got home to find a message from NW Airlines telling me my flight out of Tokyo has been cancelled. Cancelled? Cancelled! Bastards. They put me on an Asiana flight - I totally wanted to avoid flying on non-American carriers in the first place, which is why I took NW - to Osaka with a transfer to NW leaving for Seattle at 2:45pm. I arrive in Seattle about 50min early and maybe even the flight time - actual time in air - will be shorter since Osaka is only about an hour from here. So there's that. I'm dealing, right? Well, then I start packing, start looking for that maroon sweater I'm love with but haven't worn recently because it's been so hot. Know what? Can't find the damn thing. Anywhere. Somewhere in my brain, a neuron is firing off something vaguely about the dry cleaner and I think, "Oh my god. I gave it to the guy and he never returned it." The absolute horror. No such thing as receipts in this country. No record, no nothing, I'm so fucking sure it's gone forever now, this sweater I love, this sweater that was not cheap. Replaceable yes, but I'm just not capable of handling all of this on top of the baseline stress of getting on a plane. Dave's mom keeps saying in her messages that I must be excited, but I just can't get excited until I'm on the ground on the other side, you know? In fact, just prior to the flight is the time when I don't even want to go, when it's more desireable to just stay. I hate being afraid to fly.

I just need to go cry for awhile.

Last night was the last organized workout for the next five weeks. I tried to work myself extra hard bearing that in mind. I don't know if it worked - I guess it did.

Dinner's over. I'm really anxious and couldn't eat hardly anything. I hate that. Almost packed except for a few items still hanging to dry and stuff like the toothbrush that will get tucked in at the last minute. I've still got to copy some files to floppy, find some articles to read on the plane, and try to finish up that massive volume I've been reading for the last few months. Only ten pages left! But I need to spend some time with Dave too, just being.

Almost there.

See you on the other side.