I’m in one of those moods when I have no motivation to do anything but the boredom is killing me. I’m checking and re-checking email to find nothing for me and I’ve tired of searching the internet for anything I might ever want to know about. I broke down an hour ago, opening the freezer and grabbing that Goo-Goo cone from the fridge. It is not even real ice cream but more like what I would imagine non-dairy ice cream is like. I have fallen far from the wagon, into a ditch. Having an insatiable need for chocolate and then attempting to fill it with something ostensibly low-grade is blatant self-deprecating behavior. At this moment I’m finding it hard to live with myself. The only saving grace is the certainty of exercise scheduled to begin in less than two hours; no, the cone will not have a lasting legacy on this bod. Unfortunately, I’m dreading the impending activity, but it’s habit now and as inescapable as the compulsion to hit the check-mail button fifty million times a day.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I lie in bed constructing images from a long road of the past, a long squiggly line - like the Candyland or Life game boards - with pictures of people pasted at various points along the route. That’s exactly how it was, only the line was decadent with gorgeous summer scenery. I intend to live it one month from now. Anyway, I couldn’t stand it anymore so I got up to read in the living room. There was a few minutes, after I had felt my way to the halogen lamp and turned the knob, when I sat on the couch with my feet on the rice chest, squinting, waiting for my eyes to adjust. I read the rest of the chapter describing the outcome of the Russian Revolution. (What a fucked up country.) The dictionary lie open next to me on the couch, and on the occasion when I had to look up a word - which is too often the case with this grandiloquent author - I had to pick up that monstrous volume and hold it close to my face because I was wearing my glasses, which are equivalent in corrective strength to my contact lenses, but to which my eyes take a few days to adjust because of the distance of the lens from the cornea. It was inconvenient and it made me tired so I went to bed and slept until 9am.