1.12.98

Dave’s sister’s birthday is coming up soon (I guess). He wrote a check to her as a gift and I asked how much he was giving. He said $50 and I thought it was too much; I got mad. I told him I always felt jealous of kids I knew who got tons of money on their b-days and X-mases. I got lots of gifts, I had everything and then some - it’s not like I "went without." But no one ever gave me a significant amount of money when I was a teenager. The checks were like $5, $10, $20, or maybe even $25; but never, ever $50. Some kids got so many big checks that the sum of their b-day windfall could be like $250. (!!) Yeah, that’s a lot, especially when you don’t have any expenses. Dave said that $50 doesn’t seem like a lot to him. And I was like, of course not! You have a job and all kinds of stuff. But $50 is a lot to someone who depends on mom and dad for everything and doesn’t need a job, doesn’t have bills, etc. Anyway, we disagreed. He can be generous. It’s not a big deal. And I’m not writing about this to make a point about spoiling teenagers who already live in the upper portion of the middle-class bracket. See, ‘cause after awhile I stopped listening to him make his case. After I mentioned the piddly amounts of cash I got for gifts, I remembered Mrs. Plumb; I don’t remember anything Dave whined about after that. Mrs. Plumb was my G-ma’s friend. She was old - way old - when I was young and always seemed to live in an old folks home. She was sharp as a tack even if her body was ailing from physical degradation. My G-ma and I would visit her on occasion and I remember hating it. It smelled like sickness, it was antiseptic and institutional looking. I always wanted to leave. She didn’t seem to have any family. I think I remember something about sons and daughters who would have nothing to do with her. Maybe hers was an example of parents and grandparents left alone to die? Did she leave any stories behind? This woman sent me a $5 check every b-day and X-mas. And that is just so cool. Back then - when she was still alive - it was the price of a movie. When I thought of her last night, I immediately remembered that she was dead. I don’t know how long it’s been; maybe a few years. It’s strange that it was my first thought, but I think it was part of a realization that I can’t just write her a note and thank her for her generosity anymore. I was not that close to her and I had to make a serious effort to remind myself to send Thank You notes long after I'd spent the $5. She’s gone now. Remembering her is important nevertheless; so today I wanted to write about her, remember her, light a candle for her, just to let the ether know that she lives on, if only for a moment, in a memory - in a feeling of gratitude. Thank you for remembering me all those years.

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