I have people to see, amends to make. When I didn’t return as scheduled, people began to miss me and called the house, even Dave’s office, looking for me. Their messages were never returned and now I am in the position of appearing after long absence of presence and word. I do not really have to explain and am not pressed to do so for my need to save face is accepted. Lies obvious but understood to convey the need to protect oneself and preserve harmony in society. It used to infuriate me, such lies when told to me. I could see the transparency and I thought the tellers idiots for thinking I would believe such obvious untruths. Somewhere over time I stopped despising the custom and began to nod in acceptance of the need to protect image and stature. Now I find the practice not only convenient but comfortable. I do not have to say much at all to receive the sympathetic nod in return.

I haven’t seen Ee Byong Yoon in over six months. She had a baby in June, a little girl with fat head and body and skinny little eyes. A classic beauty she will be. Ee Byong Yoon and I ate dokkbokkee near Ewha University, then went to a nearby coffee shop. She is so brilliant: witty and sharply intelligent. I know if we shared fluency of a common language we would discuss for hours on all topics; I would learn so much from her. As it is, there are many silences between labored sentences. Sometimes a difficult topic is approached and then abandoned.

She said I looked thinner and it was good; that I should have children because any child resembling me would be cute. This is what women hear.

She told me her divorced brother-in-law, the one with the 4 or 5 year old daughter, will soon remarry. His fiance is a woman also divorced. (Apparently her husband told her he could live without her but not without gambling.) Divorce is still rare and very stigmatized; people won’t admit to it and when children are involved the situation is gruesome. For example, it is illegal for the child of a divorced woman to be adopted by the stepfather so that children living with their mothers are forever bastardized, stigmatized. It is in the best interest of divorced women to abandon their children to the families of their ex-husbands, but often the husband doesn’t want the child either. Ee Byong Yoon’s little niece believes her mother is living in the United States. The family has decided that when her father remarries, the little girl will be told that his new wife is really her mother returned from abroad. I asked Ee Byong Yoon if she thought it was a good idea to lie to the girl and she replied that it wasn’t, but that she is the only one in the family who thinks so.

This morning I went to see Mrs. Chung, who fed me green tea from leaves and green tea from powder. She gave me rice cake pounded from black rice, a slice of white cake, traditional cookies, and eventually a lunch of dwenjeongchigae, kongbap, and a variety of kimchees. We talked much and not at all. I have missed her. I called her when I arrived, and when she heard my hello on the other end of the phone she called out: Helen?! Aiiiieeegooooo! An emphatic and melodious aiegooo for me. Ajuma has cared for me better than anyone. I gave her a very expensive box of truffles from Fran’s, in atonement. She had tried to reach me for so long.

She showed me pictures from her trip to India, Nepal, and Hong Kong. Adventurous woman she is. Easily spotted in the photos for she is the one with the broadest smile curled with a just a bit of mischief. Spunky innocence.

She shared that her daughter, who is getting a Masters of Fine Art in the States, has very recently written to inform Mrs. Chung that she is interested in an American man. Her daughter wrote pages promoting the man’s family background. She is asking her parents to think about it. Mrs. Chung and her husband are so upset that they can’t yet talk about it to one another. I was told I could not understand until I had children of my own. Well then I guess I will never know, eh?

When I said it was time for me to go, she sat down next to me and asked: What do you need from me before you go? I asked to learn how to serve malch’a (green tea from powder) so that I might make it for myself when I’m away from her. I asked if she would help me find a good place to have tojang (name chops) made for Dave and me. Yes and yes. If there is time, we will visit a public bath together, maybe go to Mr. Shin’s again. In March? She will teach me many things about preparing Korean food.