For someone with a lot of friends, I spend a lot of time in solitude. I really don't mind it, you know - remember all that time in Korea? - but these days it's the time alone when the anxiety grabs hold and much energy is directed toward prying it free.

My friend Jason wrote me earlier this week to wish me a good trip. I was surprised as I wouldn't have expected him to remember the date of my departure and certainly, I wouldn't expect for him to take the time. But I know about the addition of instability to his life these last few weeks and I think he's just looking for footholds. I won't deny him that. There have been times when I've felt the endless falling and reached in panic toward others only to see them pull out of the way. Bystanders fear the claws of panic and the implied threat of being pulled under too. I think, from my precarious perch, I'll stretch out one arm just far enough for a solid high-five as he plummets to the depths below. I will shout after him - and no doubt it will echo indefinitely in this dark cavern - "Make it a good one friend, I'll see you at the bottom!"

I'm not going to Korea on the ninth. I may still go later, but it's uncertain. The decision is dependent upon seat availability, price, and mutual desire. I talked to Dave last night, finally just giving up on email to clear the air and to say, OK I won't come. But, I am Siren and when I sang he could not resist me nor my ideas for alternative travel plans. The ninth was not a good date for me anyway, what with having to miss finals and cram for the application deadline. It wasn't working for me, it was working for him, better to just can it. I still need to return home however; I have just relocated the question mark to the end of all the other work is all.

Tonight I ate Korean food for the first time since leaving the country in June. Another Jason sharing it with me. I was surprised how cuisine with such a distinctive - and sometimes repulsive - flavor could taste as normal as, say, a sandwich. I've missed it and didn't know it. Dave is tied so tightly to any experience with Korea that I felt a little sad eating Korean food without him. We should be together over there eating at our favorite little shiktang. Luckily, I was in good company and the conversation was easy. Jason helped me take my mind off of the guilt as we laughed about ajumas' blackened fingers - black from burning plastic in the street. Haha!