12.25.97

General Delivery, North Pole Dear Santa, It’s appropriate for me to appeal to you now, this after-opening low spot on the eve of the busiest shopping day of the year. Like many others, the bounty deposited under the tree for me was not fulfilling. Grabbing and tearing, each gift revealed brought my hope down a notch. Thus, like agnostics praying to their God only when they feel betrayed, I ask: Why wasn’t there a copy of Adobe Photoshop for me under that dazzling little plastic tree? Isn’t it your job to provide the "good" people with the material wants unattainable by those who love them? Why, Santa, not only did I suffer, but the other humans rewarding my goodness suffered also, unnecessarily, from your neglect. Santa, you let me down. And I wonder Santa, do you discriminate between more than just naughty and nice? What about this myth of your global journey anyway? Do you give preferential treatment to that nation which worships you in a collective display of twinkle lights? The icon of you plastered on every store front, on the lawn of suburban homes. Ritual offerings of cookies and milk left on counter tops, appealing to your voracious gluttony and ensuring the delivery of desired delights under the tree. Yeah, I’m asking if you conveniently skip those places that have not wholly converted to the worship of you. Am I hitting jolly nerve Santa? Born from the new religion called Consumer Capitalism, you have stolen the glory from that other deity whose birth the world used to celebrate more spiritually. Secular we may be, but spiritless we are not. We have you now. Material reward in this life is much more tangible and immediate than spiritual reward in the next. Way to exploit our weakness Santa. Maybe in 2000 years malls will be holy places in worship of you. Will we burn candy canes and repeat "Ho Ho" 100 times before entering the shrine? I wonder. [Guilt and self pity setting in; the protective anger lifted to reveal the honest hurt] Why didn’t you come and visit our little apartment all the way over here in Korea, our alter tree lit for you? We missed you and wanted you to be here with us. We needed your presence - er...presents? - to give us spirit and hope for this festive day. We wanted to believe. I watched the face of my love as he opened gifts. I wanted to give him that Micron computer that would have brought him such joy. And I felt guilty when he looked at me and said, "I’m sorry I couldn’t make this a better Christmas for you." Santa, where were you? Sincerely, Helen Seoul, Korea

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