My cousin in Alaska got married. All of us went. I had never been. I knew it would be beautiful, but I was unprepared for the magnitude of the beauty. As soon as the plane landed—no even before that, when the icepacked fjords were long in view—I felt safe and didn't want to leave. It's hard to explain the feeling of being protected, but I notice it when I'm places where the landscape is immense and largely untouched.

It was good to be with family too. Each time is a chance to see how things sit differently, and they do. This time, this wedding—with so many members of my family there in support of it, and my cousin's parents pulling out all the stops for her just because it's her—was lonely for me. I used to be angry at them for what they couldn't give me, and now I just feel how bad the absence. At least that is a pure place, immutable. That's OK. I did get some good long stretches of time with May and Bob. We had a fun time being tourists together, which was a new experience.