Finally feeling some lightness. Entering this year was like being born (2000, Neville), a protracted and dark squeeze to no end I could easily see. It could not be almost February, but I trust what the calendar on the wall says. My attention has been without time. How the experience appears from the inside is an oozing, a shading-over the few weeks before and after the mark.

It seemed like a weakness — and I would still call it that because that’s what it mostly continues to feel like. But lately, maybe just today, some other interpretation hints. It occurs that what appears and feels like weakness, in comparison to the feeling of strength that began the last year, is another kind of strength denied. I would fail to see it because acknowledging the difference between the usual perspective and the new one calls for an acceptance of isolation. I want it but part of me is not ready to see it — to let go. But the other part is already living it and that's where the strength hides.

At least things are happening. Even when it seemed nothing moved, stuff got done and now there’s a pile of started or finished tasks directing activities through the spring.

When I’m not feeling well it’s easier to discern what it is I don’t want. So I let go of one opportunity to simplify the goal of finding work that will pay the bills and then some.

And I decided the trip to Hawaii with Pam couldn’t be missed.

The best: I visited the DMV and paid for my motorcycle endorsement. Without doubt, this is the most satisfying accomplishment of the new year. Whenever I see a motorcycle on the streets, I want to shriek with joy. As long as I continue to pay for the endorsement, I never have to take the driving test again. Woo!