3.24.00

So on the slopes today. It was my first time skiing the daylight in several years. The trees and sky have colors other than tincture of black, and there were people who moved and crowded just enough to cause a challenge. At first I thought the hills were different and that maybe I couldn't ski as well looking upon shapes of snow cast in sunlight, but it was only momentary. In the light, the totality was unveiled and available to us for skiing. We skied the wide open terrain of the backside for an hour or two. Much of that time seemed to pass on the slow long lifts to the top again. The backside is the sunniest side and we baked along with the snow and the snow was thick and soft. When we returned to the front, the shady side, we found a slight crunch more comfortable. Also, something about the front is more intimate and each run seems distinct from the others, fulfilling better our senses of direction and position. Though I was armed with blissful memories of last time, today I found the snow and body slow and no match for a formidably heavy soul. I thought I could improve my form by declaring war between my external and internal: I thought, "The body is stronger than you. When you are so self-absorbed, you worry no longer of physical pain and the body is free to push every physical limit." Yet that wasn't so and fear rubbed between the ice and wax. I hesitated before jumps and those crucial turns on narrow and steep fields of moguls. I tired and slumped on the lifts. But on the cruisers there was enough focus to look two turns ahead and think bend and straighten. There were even a few perfect runs, when all my weight rested forward, when waist swiveled loosely, and when poles grabbed for yardage. There were also a few precious moments of silence when the skis left the snow. This may have been the last trip, though there are a few weeks of the season remaining. Certainly, my equipment is ready for retirement. My white skis, poles, and boots have yellowed with age. The skis have deep grooves in their planes and today I noticed that one half of one of the front binding clips has broken off entirely and disappeared. The binding still holds, but only for the left boot, and it is fragile.

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