3.11.00

Did you think I quit? Truth is, all of the pieces have broken free: Marriage is over, but the relationship persists, evolving into the unknown; he is quitting everything and moving back to warm ground, New Mexico, and shipping the household to me; the house where I'm living is being sold soon, and I will have to move; I need another job. But first, a free trip to L.A. for the weekend. (Living the Kato Kailin lifestyle.) (A gracious friend of a gracious friend paid for my airfare.) I have never been to L.A. +++ Things that collected in the interim that I will store here: From skiing, driving down the hill I mean, in the light of a full and near moon that was bright but not enough to write by … black sky … black sky … some part deep down in the stem longs for a time to be touched by spiriting sky when sky imparts location and fulfills the need for the night ceiling to tell us where we're going. But what I don't want to forget is that we could see the galaxy. Earth is small and at night the rim of it cupping us is the same lip of each place. +++ This room is not a funnel into this screen ... A wall has been constructed behind the pane of glass on the front of this monitor, and it stifles the flow of sharing that it once compelled. I think of you all there on the other sides of your glass writing the things into the internet that you can't say to the ones who live with you; or can't say because no one else is around, as the case may be. What slowly precipitated your attachment to this secret world of confession; that is, what lacked or ached that drove you here? How long until your window mirrors? I know what mine was, but I've not felt it for a long time. The screen is not the portal into space of possible connection that it once was; it is a cage, a part of its own cause. And the room is, and only where I be for now. There is no place for reaching without the reminder of certain connection or disconnection, or the ambivalence in between. +++ If I were rich I would collect love rare and bound, lining the shelves by subject's name each pining that was not for me. Failing my own title, I vow to own all the others in your heart.

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