1.1.00

Not much to entertain ourselves with out here in the De-culturized Zone (DCZ). Chains of the homogenization machine eating up the landscape like the Big Nothing. Giant corporations shaping neural structures of millions through the insidious elimination of choice delivered under the pretense of abundance. Across the great ribbons of pavement to the golden grids of parking, we found ourselves pulling into breakfast at Denny's. One of the original chains, the archetype of American tackiness and poor service. It's so old and good at its bad that it's classic: the authentic. But Denny's is changing its image, hopping on the diner craze and remodeling its insides to look like those spacey tin can diners that are really cool. Gone are the brown vinyl half-moon booths and the wood panel Formica tabletops. Obsolete are the polyester suits modeled after the franchise interior. Now we got blue and red and silver; got the funky boomerang designs on the Formica and tables rimmed with aluminum. Boy in black cotton pants and buttoned shirt with a blue collar -- as if he were on a bowling team or something -- seated us asking for our drinks, turned and went. On his way the back of his shirt announced, from the blue askew oval: Denny's Diner. He returned and informed (with long stringy hair and neck piled high with hemp ropes and a thin fuzzy moustache) from behind his diner façade, "Uh, I forgot...our hot chocolate machine is broken." Then a smile, like he was proud that he got it all out as well as he did. Folly or genius? -- The diner, I mean, not the boy. Like I said, one of the original chains, one of the authentic. Does it wait for it to become a parody of itself, or does it take it to the next level of the obscene? Just when dining at Denny's became a scene of revenant suburban youth, the company decided to repel us once more by eradicating every vestige of the familiar. Either Denny's is setting the trend for the repulsive, or it has executed a grave tactical error. I myself find it genius: By this bold maneuver Denny's upholds its title as the daddy of cheap-eat chains offering refuge to the retired and the nocturnal. The mainstream just can't tolerate it; no Shari's or Mitzel's can approach it. Denny's is the first of the worst, and as such must remain innovative.

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